“I’ll Tell You How”
For several years, in my recent past, I was the Mountain Area Program Manager for the Alzheimer’s Association- Western Carolina Chapter. One of the main responsibilities that I had was to do presentations, in a wide variety of settings, to all types of audiences, about Alzheimer’s disease and related types of dementia. While the subject of my presentations was tough, the opportunities afforded me through the job were wonderful. I was able to visit communities all over the mountains of North Carolina. I got to know folks from a wide range of perspectives and personalities. As someone who is a lover of stories, I was able to hear so many interesting and fascinating ones; told by folks that had lived (and were living) interesting and fascinating lives. Sure, the devastation caused by the progress of Alzheimer’s disease and related dementias is very sad, resulting in many tears. But, at the same time, those whose journeys are being shaped by the illnesses have some wonderful experiences and insights into the essence of life to share; often quiet humorous.
I led a program for a group at the Crawford Senior Center in Franklin. I am not sure of the focus of the program but, somehow or the other, we began to talk about death and dying. There were several questions raised by the members of the group to which I, and other members of the audience, offered responses. The discussion included items related to the medical, physical, emotional, social, and spiritual aspects of dying. Basically, my role was to encourage members of the group to prepare for death by making good decisions, getting all of the legal and financial matters in order, and having conversations with key family members and others as to one’s final wishes about all of the “funeral stuff”. While that seems as though it would be an uncomfortable program to participate in, it was (actually) enjoyable. So many of the participants had some great comments, not all of them sad and/or morbid. In reality, there was quite a bit of laughter and good natured bantering that went on. Anyway, after an hour or so, I started putting a “wrap” on the meeting, bringing it to a close. I said something like, “Does anyone else have anything to say before we leave?”
Sitting in the front-row of the audience was a gentleman. Throughout the program, he had listened intently to everything that was said. From my viewpoint, I had watched him as he processed the various comments. However, he had not spoken up or joined in on any of the conversations, until my question. At that moment he said, “I’ll tell you when I’m going to die. I’m going to die when I am 99 years of age. I’m 92 now. But when I get to be 99, that’s when I am going to die.” He said this with such passion, engagement, and in an intriguing way that I decided to see where he might be wanting to go by his comment. I said, “So when you are 99 is when you are going to die?” He nodded and said, “Yeah. That’s right. Sure is.” After a moment’s pause he said, “I can even tell you what time of the day I am gonna’ die.” By this point, everyone in the audience was listening very carefully to his comments. He was aware of what was happening. In fact, that was his intent. He said, “I am going to die at 2 o’clock in the morning. When I get to be 99, I am going to die at 2 o’clock in the morning.” I said, “Really?” He shook his head “yes”. Then he said, “Now if you want me to, I’ll tell you how I’m gonna’ die.” Well, by this time, I would not have missed it for the world. Several of the audience were saying, “Yeah. Tell us how.” So, he just grinned and said, “I’m gonna’ get shot by a jealous lover while I am climbing out the window.” Needless to say, the meeting ended in a hilarious manner.