“The Most Important Question Is ‘Why’”
It is probably hard for you to believe, but I did get myself in trouble every once in a while when I was a kid. Most of the time the problem was I would fail to do something that I was expected to do by my parents. They would assign me a task to complete, and I would fail to do it. It often was not that I planned not to do the things I was supposed to do, it was I would just get busy doing something else and would either forget my assignment altogether, or I would run out of time to get it done. It probably happened more often than I remember; but, it did happen. If I saw a baseball, basketball, football, or a bicycle on my way to do what I was told to do I could easily get side-tracked. I, also, had the tendency to head off up the mountain behind our home to explore a rock outcropping, or some trail that (surely) had been made by some wild animal that I needed to track. I, always, thought that I would get to my assigned tasks in time to get them finished before I would be called into accountability. Sometimes I did. Sometimes I did not. It was those “did not times” that seemed to be my biggest problems and the source of most of my troubles.
One summer day, when I was around eight or nine years old, my mother gave me some chores to do. She made it very clear as to what I was to do and by what time I needed to have it finished. She, also, told me, in no uncertain terms, what would be the consequences if I failed to do as I was being told to do. I assured her that I would do as I was told. Well, I got started in a good way; with lots of enthusiasm. I was making real good progress until I saw that rooster at the other end of the garden row where I was chopping the weeds from around the sweetcorn. That rooster was pecking at some of the cornfield beans my father had planted. I figured the best thing I could do was chase him out of the garden. I dropped my hoe and off I went. As I drew near to where the rooster was, he got scared and took off running towards the log tobacco barn. I was gaining on him. When he ran into the barn I was close behind him. Well, he ran on through the barn and got away from me. As I turned to head back for my unfinished chores I looked up in the barn at the tier-poles on which tobacco was hung for curing in the fall. Since this was summer there was no tobacco hanging in the barn. At that point, I decided to see if I could climb all of the way to the top tier, since I had never done it before. It was not too long until I accomplished that feat. As I started climbing down, I saw the rooster head towards the corncrib, so I decided to see if I could trap him in there. I was successful. Heading back to the weeding I realized I was thirsty so I went to the house to get a drink of water. While drinking the water I decided I really ought to take a short ride on my bike. As I went by the place where I had dammed up the creek for swimming/wading I knew I needed to spend a few minutes cooling off. It was during that respite I heard something I really wish I had not heard; my mother was calling my name. Oh no! I knew I was in trouble; once more. I went home, dripping wet, pushing my bike. When I got to the house my mother was standing in the garden, propped up on the hoe. She had not finished my weeding for me. She simply said, “Larry. When your father gets up from sleeping (He worked the ‘graveyard shift’ at Dayco in Waynesville and slept during the day.) I will tell him that you did not finish your chores. He will take care of it.” With those words she dropped the hoe and walked away. Well I grabbed up the hoe and started chopping weeds as hard and fast as I could. I just knew that when my father saw the evidence of all of my hard work, all would be forgiven and forgotten.
In a while, my father was up. He came to the garden and started doing more planting and hoeing. I helped him. I gave it all I had. He never said a word about my failure to live up to my mother’s expectations and my promise to complete my assigned tasks. Eventually we finished the gardening and went in for dinner. Still not a word from my father. Internally, I was wiping the sweat from my brow, thinking/hoping I was “off the hook”.
Things went very well for the rest the evening. In fact, after dinner my father and I tossed the baseball back and forth for several minutes. I headed to my bedroom to prepare for my evening bath. As I was getting some clean underwear from the chest-of-drawers I heard someone enter the room and close the bedroom door. When I turned to see who it was I nearly had heart failure when I saw my father standing there. Oh my! I thought I had escaped unscathed. Obviously that was not to be the case. My father told me what my mother had told him of the afternoon’s activities. He asked for my explanation. I gave him my version of the afternoon. He then told me my mother had stated to him that I needed a spanking. He wanted me to tell him what manner of punishment I thought I had coming to me. Naturally, I tried to beg off, or at least to minimize it. My father told me to sit down on the edge of the bed. For the next 30 minutes or so (seemed like hours to me) he told me what was wrong with what I had done, or not done as was the case. I had been disobedient, thus disrespectful, to my mother. I had failed to keep my word. I had not lived up to the expectations set for me. I had tried to justify my failures and to make excuses for my lack of follow through. By this time (in the conversation) I was feeling very guilty and was trying to prepare myself for that which was surely going to befall my behind. Ghee Wiz! What a mess I was in! And, it was all my fault.
My father then did the most unexpected thing in the world. He removed his belt from his pants. He asked me if I thought I deserved to be spanked. I responded by saying, “Yes”. I just wanted to get it over with. He then said, “Son. You did wrong. You deserve a spanking. I know how to spank you without harming you. But the most important question right now is not ‘How’. The most important question is, ’Why’. ‘How’ is obvious. ‘Why’ is to help you understand where you went wrong, the problem with want you did and did not do, and the need for you to be willing to accept responsibility and accountability for your actions.” He went on to say, “I am not going to spank you; even though your mother thinks you deserve to get one. I am going to take this belt and I am going to hit the mattress on this bed as hard as I can. Every lick I strike I want you to cry out as though I am whacking your bottom. When I get through I want you to stay in this room for a while as though you are ‘recovering’. If I do this you have to promise me that you will never say anything about this to anyone. This will be our secret. No one will ever know. Right?” You better believe I nodded “yes” with all of my strength. He then proceeded to wear that mattress out. (Better the mattress than my behind!) As he turned to leave the room he looked at me and said, “Always remember the most important question is ‘Why’; not ‘How’.” With those words he walked out.
Through the years I would have to say that I agree with him. The most important question is why. If I can understand the “why” then the “how” becomes less in importance. The truth of the matter is that I have found this to be the truth in most matters.