“Maintaining Your Jolly During the Season of Holly” – Part 3
Larry Reeves, Region A- Long Term Care Ombudsman, Southwestern Planning Commission
Well the season of Hanukkah (began 12/16, ends 12/24) is almost over, Christmas Day is almost here, and New Year’s Eve and Day will be here the middle of next week. I hope your celebrations have been wonderful for you and those you hold dearest. It is good to have some special days/times set aside for getting together with family and friends right smack dab in the middle of the darkness of winter. If you are a caregiver for a family member/ friend/another acquaintance or if you are receiving care, no doubt, the holidays present you with several challenges that have to be faced. It can be difficult to “maintain your jolly in the season of holly”.
As a caregiver (for my father) I have found several good ideas (tips, hints, suggestions) that I draw from that really help me through the holidays. You may find some of the following ideas to be of help to you in your own unique situation; some of them may not be applicable to you at all. Some of you would add lots of other ideas that work well for you; be grateful, and share them with some other folks that may be able to use them. Here are a few of my ideas:
- Do not expect everyone to understand your situation.– It is not realistic to expect everyone to understand the reasons you may not attend a gathering or program, to make a trip in order to visit a special family member or friend, or to enjoy gift giving like you may have in days gone by. Unless others are walking in your shoes you should not expect them to be understanding, supportive, or sympathetic.
- If asked, share as much as you feel comfortable about your situation.- You do not have to spill all the details, however, you may want to share enough to help the inquirer understand some of your experiences. Certainly, you will want to show respect, consideration, appropriate judgment, and emotional sensitivity. Always remember that some things need to be protected due to privacy laws and are better left unspoken/unshared. A good practice to follow is to be sure you have consent from those involved before you tell their stories.
- Try to de-stress rather than stress over the holidays.– If you know that is best for you to avoid some places, events, and some folks, then you need to avoid them. If there are some that are looking for opportunities to criticize your caregivers or your caregiving skills, just do not give them opportunity to do so. In as much as is possible, stay focused on the positives and let the negatives catch the next stagecoach out of town. Even though you may be tempted to dwell on and ponder over the things that are lost- can never be again- or have changed in ways you do not want do your best to try to move forward in more positive directions.
- Find sources of good support for yourself.– There are some very good support groups out there just waiting for you to discover them. Many of the faith communities are ready to wrap you in arms of love, compassion, and acceptance. Some of those nearby are longing for the chance to draw you close and share some of the strength they have with you. Well trained and very capable professionals are only a phone call and an appointment time away.
- Make taking care of yourself a priority.– Do you need to see a physician? Are you getting enough restful sleep? Is physical exercise on your “must do” list?
You will not enjoy the holidays unless you decide to enjoy them. May you do so, giving it your best. You will be a better caregiver or care receiver; finding you have plenty of “jolly for the season of holly”.